tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-99861892011-05-09T03:33:52.055+01:00Thoughts, ideas, observations and other angst-ridden paranoid ramblings from the thin edge of reason to the fat waist line of reality .. and back again!Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.comBlogger1641100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1139845658693241452006-02-13T15:47:00.000Z2006-11-14T08:43:58.221Z

Today it emerged that the BBC are planning to bring the cost-cutting axe down on a local community radio station in Manchester.As of April 2006, Gay Talk will be no more than a whisper.However, to be perfectly honest, I couldn't care less about the story, it's the name of the local Minister of Parliament who's putting his very honorable and no-doubt considerable political weight behind the cause

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1138827264789353732006-02-01T20:54:00.000Z2006-11-14T08:43:58.125Z

Do as I say, not as I do.Should that be the new maxim of the British police?Possibly.After all, seems to work for Police Constable Mark Milton. He got caught doing ton-fifty in an unmarked police car on a motorway at night .. and got away with it.Why? Well, this is the killer, 'coz his excuse is as laughable as the judge that let him off with his frankly insulting euphemistic defense:"District

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1138705121648798702006-01-31T10:58:00.000Z2006-11-14T08:43:58.039Z

The new woman in my life sitting patiently while I fill my face at Frankie & Benny's last night...

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1138098906368056762006-01-24T10:35:00.000Z2006-11-14T08:43:57.947Z

There's much speculation as to who will play the bad guy to Daniel Craigs' soon-to-be James Bond.I think I should be the next bad guy.I'm roundly considered to be a bit of a bastard and I'd like to think that I've got an eye for world domination...

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1131309314354247382005-11-06T20:35:00.000Z2006-11-14T08:43:57.863Z

In keeping with my previous 'blog posting, I thought I'd keep y'all smilin' a little longer.Here are some of the most original, exceptionally funny short animations I've seen in .. well, I've ever seen.Take some time visit Ubergeek and Angry Alien Productions for some rib-ticking mirth and merriment.And remember, it's as well that these guys make you laugh 'coz you'll never get to heaven with a

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1131018815116044462005-11-03T11:53:00.000Z2006-11-14T08:43:57.776Z

This is actually old stuff, but I just found them by accident while looking for something else .. which, incidentally, I still haven't found!Actual Headlines1. Include Your Children when Baking Cookies2. Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says3. Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers4. Drunks Get Nine Months in Violin Case5. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms6. Is There a Ring of Debris around

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1130240398183843272005-10-25T12:39:00.000+01:002006-11-14T08:43:57.692Z

For those of you that are familiar with this 'blog, you will then know of my loathing for religion. All religion.But recent events have turned this loathing into a growing fear of what is gradually emerging from the very thick buckle of the Bible Belt of North America that seems to be somewhat at odds with the rise of a similar blind, many-armed monster rising out of the East."Cory Burnell [or

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1129481522921939442005-10-16T17:52:00.000+01:002006-11-14T08:43:57.607Z

"Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it."~ George Santayana"[Georg Wilhelm Friedrich] Hegel was right when he said that we learn from history that man can never learn anything from history."~ George Bernard ShawWell I have my own thoughts about why we are otherwise doomed to repeat the errors of our collective past, and it's a simple if not depressing one: because those who

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1129281034701043552005-10-14T10:10:00.000+01:002006-11-14T08:43:57.517Z

Recently, there has been no small amount of furore over here in Britain surrounding the news that the BBC wish to increase the television license fee to one hundred and eighty pounds.Now, the obvious reaction is that of shock & horror. After all, there are few concessions for the elderly or those on income support, who are often the ones to benefit the most from such a service.A few years ago,

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1129109392186087632005-10-12T10:29:00.000+01:002006-11-14T08:43:57.432Z

I've never had much use for trust.I'm not a naturally trusting person since most if not all of the people I've ever known have exhibited a perfectly timed and precisely executed capacity to let me down at the most inopportune moments.Notice that last word? Plural, not singular.So I just don't trust people because by and large, they rarely deserve it and do little to earn it.I've always had to be

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1128508983736533192005-10-05T11:43:00.000+01:002006-11-14T08:43:57.332Z

Yet again, someone has thrust some report through claiming that using a mobile / cell phone while driving is dangerous.Yet again, we're weigh-laden with a huge body of data telling us how bad this activity can be.Yet again, the government, the various research bodies and just about everybody else have singularly failed to answer the blatantly obvious questions I've had buzzing around my head

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1127837721804773672005-09-27T17:15:00.000+01:002006-11-14T08:43:57.253Z

I'm getting just about sick of getting calls from people asking me where the nearest [PC World] store is.I’ve called PC World, passed through the bowels of their support tree to speak to Rebecca.Having painted a very clear picture of my abject annoyance, making deft use of casual but pithily-delivered expletives, I request the number for the head office.With great haste she gave me the number for

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1127248600388807372005-09-20T21:36:00.000+01:002006-11-14T08:43:57.170Z

Most people would agree that to a greater or lesser degree, you are the product of your experiences.Sure, there's the part of you that was 'hard wired' the moment you were conceived, but you're never going to be a great singer if you live with deaf people, are you?Who would know?The thing is, in my time on this planet, I've seen things most people wouldn't and in some cases couldn't and probably

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1126903829368717172005-09-16T21:50:00.000+01:002006-11-14T08:43:57.079Z

I've just had my memory jogged by a fellow 'blogger...I remember getting stuck in traffic first thing some years ago when I worked in a near-by city.Some guy had thrown himself off a bridge into on-coming traffic.His demise was as predictable as the outcome -- chaos.It's just me, me, me, isn't it?He had problems, we know that. But to share them with everyone else is just selfish.He had options.He

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1126804013409027652005-09-15T18:06:00.000+01:002006-11-14T08:43:56.984Z

I'm launching a new site.It's a petition against the meaningless gap that iTunes sees fit to plop in between each and every song you play.Go to Mind the Gap and pledge your support by emailing me.It's all a little tongue-in-cheek, but there is a serious side to this, or I wouldn't be doing it in the first place.So here's where I need your help!If you know anyone who is utterly sick & tired of the

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1126689916815672872005-09-14T10:25:00.000+01:002006-11-14T08:43:56.898Z

The making of an überfiendAs we step out of the shop and make our way across the road and back towards college, I grab him by his arm, turn him to once side and place my hand in his right coat pocket."What ye doin'?"I remove my hand and hold up a packet of Polos in front of me so that he could see and then quickly place them in my own pocket."Wha .. you just took them from my..."Not quite sure

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1126458198740621772005-09-11T18:03:00.000+01:002006-11-14T08:43:56.814Z

"To a New Yorker like you, a hero is some kind o' weird sandwich!"Oddball (Donald Sutherland) gives it to Crapgame (Don Rickles) straight in the film, Kelly's Heros...

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1126167807111739822005-09-08T09:23:00.000+01:002006-11-14T08:43:56.730Z

Even though I've taken the step of having our household removed from various mailing list data warehouses so that we don't get unsolicited mail and telephone calls, some inevitably slip through, as you'd expect.They're usually .. no, on second thoughts, they're all crap and the only reason I open them is to remove any evidence of my name and address, and any other pertinent details, remove the

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1126081731202508622005-09-07T09:28:00.000+01:002006-11-14T08:43:56.646Z

Kids todayMy dad is in his late sixties. When he was a kid, my grandparents were so poor, they couldn't even afford to buy meat once a week, so toys were out of the question.If they found an old tire, a length of rope or some other piece of industrial waste from the local coal mines, they were lucky.That said, they enjoyed their lives.There were seasons for everything; cricket, kites, marbles,

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1125958139857126352005-09-05T23:08:00.000+01:002006-11-14T08:43:56.563Z

I can smile a broad, smug smile, because a fellow 'blogger has recently encountered only a fraction of the utter bollocks I have to put up with on a daily basis.Because of what I do, I facilitate things, I make things happen for my clients so they don't have to get their hands dirty.On any given day, I might 'liaise' with five or six people, charged as they are with that one task in their working

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1125842545325725752005-09-04T15:02:00.000+01:002006-11-14T08:43:56.479Z

Several ripe radishes, torn lettuce, cubed original Greek Feta cheese, chopped spring onions, slithers of green pepper, chunks of cucumber, black & green olives, dried tomatoes with button mushrooms, cherry tomato halves, black pepper & garlic salt, cubed choice chicken pieces with sliced garlic cloves fried in oil until brown, all covered in virgin Italian olive oil.A cold bottle of lager and a

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1125692338306064492005-09-02T21:18:00.000+01:002006-11-14T08:43:56.387Z

So when Robert Redford was young, he was a bit of an eyeball pleaser.Yeah, I'm a guy, but I'm big enough to see a guy for what he is.While we're on the subject, don't you think Eric Close looks like a your Mr. Redford, or is it just me?Anyway...Then some time ago he went and said he'd never have plastic surgery to maintain his boyish good looks.Now, when his face started looking like an Arabs

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1125430556048122492005-08-30T20:35:00.000+01:002006-11-14T08:43:56.273Z

It's not often that the daily news reveals a feel-good story, with the exception of the odd: "Cat stuck in tree. Firemen save the day.", or: "Woman on IVF gives birth to sextuplets." Assuming you can call that last story good news.But we did get a genuine, one-hundred percent, cast-iron feel-good story and the damned thing happened so quickly, everyone missed it!For the first time in many a year,

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1125001827651213092005-08-25T21:30:00.000+01:002006-11-14T08:43:56.190Z

Unlucky for some, but this particular series has reached number thirteen.Unlucky for some, but lucky for you!Allow me to massage that muscle of rage, incredulity, angst, pitiless wrath and withering cynicism.Sit back, get uptight and feel the hairs on the back of your neck stand on end as you share with me, your host for this evening (Greenwich Mean Time, that is) twelve things that really ..

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1124920702598986392005-08-24T22:58:00.000+01:002006-11-14T08:43:56.059Z

It seems that April Fools has come early this year, for the season of silliness has yielded an absolute welter of a stoopid idea.Serious thought is being given to minting a ninety-nine pence coin.I ask you? A ninety-nine pence coin!On what plateau of other-wordly existence do these people come from?But, it does appear that there is a shred of logic to this otherwise utterly incomprehensible

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1124836593289547572005-08-23T23:36:00.000+01:002006-11-14T08:43:55.950Z

As we walk in, the warmth of the open fire at the far end of the room that is the plush, subtly lit bar greats us.Each small cluster of seats creating an almost private venue for small groups of smartly-dressed people sat drinking quietly.Like all little boys, I'm in need of the smallest room in the building and as I walk behind her, I gently place my hands around her slender hips and lean

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1124743395976315962005-08-22T21:43:00.000+01:002006-11-14T08:43:55.860Z

For the first time in a long time, a major issue has wafted under my nose and I find myself incapable of formulating an opinion.I honestly just don't know what to make of the shooting of the Brazilian Jean Charles de Menezes.On the one hand, what happened was and still is a terrible and seemingly avoidable tragedy.While on the other hand, was the guy acting so suspiciously that the police were

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1124622078649198302005-08-21T12:01:00.000+01:002006-11-14T08:43:55.775Z

Well, it's been some time some since I let loose my negativity, but I think the time is again upon us.While I've belched forth my bile on the subject of political correctness before now, recent events have piqued my rage once more.Over here in Britain, we have a high street bank called NatWest (Formerly going under the more formal title of The National Westminster Bank .. quite!)They're running

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1124403046721503482005-08-18T23:10:00.000+01:002006-11-14T08:43:55.677Z

Questions & AnswersUnique1. Nervous habits? On the rare occasions I do get nervous, I might fart. But then again, being a bloke, I fart all of the time, so does that count?2. Are you double jointed? No3. Can you roll your tongue? No4. Can you raise one eyebrow at a time? Yes5. Can you blow spit bubbles? Not since childhood, but I do know someone who can.6. Can you cross your eyes? Yes. Plus, I

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1124097510323781312005-08-15T10:18:00.000+01:002006-11-14T08:43:55.594Z

My head is awash with a million good memories, my body is in need a serious detoxification regimen and what parts of my body aren’t burnt are covered in anonymous cuts, grazes and bruises .. all of which are quite unordered. But that’s not too bad a thing, really.Please note: this IS NOT a list of 'conquests'. These are the woman that I was fortunate enough to get to know while on holiday.Big

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1123255641319542832005-08-05T16:27:00.000+01:002006-11-14T08:43:55.507Z

Things seem to be on the up.I'm quite busy right now. Work has been brisk and there may be some bigger things in the pipeline.I'm very much looking forward to going away, but what with a tentative work offer I've had, I'm also keen to get back.But I don't want to go and wish next week away .. I want to savour the moment!For the first time in about two years, I can see a route forward and there

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1122894610577630302005-08-01T12:10:00.000+01:002006-11-14T08:43:55.397Z

It is with great heart I bring to you this message of good tidings.It is indeed Yorkshire Day!It is the 1st of August, so the fine county of Yorkshire celebrates.To commemorate this day, I'm thinking about confounding all of my clients and would-be callers by speaking in my less-than-neutral, deepest native tongue.And ye know what? Thez nowt 'rong wi that...

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1122808122359225932005-07-31T12:08:00.000+01:002006-11-14T08:43:55.302Z

Telesales guy: "Is that Mister Smallman?"Before I answer any call, if the caller has not first announced to me who they are, where they're from and what they want, I answer a question with a question. Me: "Who is it please?"His answer is all too common.He is yet another sales person calling from yet another telecoms outfit trying to get me to switch providers.I'm pretty sure replying with the

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1122646197301304702005-07-29T15:09:00.000+01:002006-11-14T08:43:55.222Z

Ah, such is life.Rumours of my demise have been much exaggerated.Not dead, merely busy .. very busy.If anyone feels a little neglected that I haven't been seen around their various 'blog holes for some time, well, what can I say?I will hopefully be widening your cultural orifices with a brisk exchange of social fluids shortly...

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1120810523178216262005-07-08T09:15:00.000+01:002006-11-14T08:43:55.142Z

It's still not clear who placed the bombs which have so far killed as many as thirty-three people, wounded over seven hundred and disrupted the whole of the London underground tube train network, but it the end, I'm not sure it matters.These acts of mindless, hateful cowardice will not find themselves on any of the many epitaphs to those who have paid the ultimate price, nor will we remember

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1120468676055227032005-07-04T10:17:00.000+01:002006-11-14T08:43:55.042Z

Having had the chance to catch some of the original film on Friday, I was all set to make comparisons between the two.I must confess, the 1953 original has aged very well indeed, so the perceived gulf between the two films that you might imagine to exist really isn't the case.With that in mind, I was please to see that Gene Barry and Ann Robinson, who played the lead roles of Dr. Clayton

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1120123060374829482005-06-30T10:17:00.000+01:002006-11-14T08:43:54.955Z

In my travels around the Internet, I've had occasion to see, meet or 'experience' most of the various type of 'Netizen out there.Fortunately, someone with the whit & wisdom I appreciate has taken it upon himself to capture these quasi-psychotic miscreants, bringers of mayhem and bedlam in ink for everyone to ponder and scrutinize:You: "Is that me? Hope not. But .. yeah, I know someone who's just

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1120035867461642392005-06-29T10:04:00.000+01:002006-11-14T08:43:54.864Z

"Books won't stay banned. They won't burn. Ideas won't go to jail. In the long run of history, the censor and the inquisitor have always lost. The only weapon against bad ideas is better ideas."~ Alfred Whitney Griswold, New York Times, 24 February 1959So what do we think of censorship, then?

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1119873475774374392005-06-27T12:57:00.000+01:002006-11-14T08:43:54.775Z

OK, I am a big soft kid and I like my 'no-brainer' action flicks.But then sometimes, you drop on a film that falls somewhere between the cerebral and the senseless.That's sort of where Batman Begins lies.Having 'a mind like fly paper', Sherlock Holmes from the 1970 film, The Private Life of Sherlock Holmes, all manner of trivia sticks in my head with all 'the tedious inevitability of an unloved

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1119529090534080222005-06-23T13:18:00.000+01:002006-11-14T08:43:54.685Z

Today is proving to be mercilessly hot.I'm a bit like a big engine in that I don't respond well to heat.I much prefer the cold. I start better that way.That said, going for a jog last night was a major sweat-breaker.Dad and me are having an out-door barbecue, with lots of dead animal flesh and dead plant matter.However, there will be no beer for me. On the rare occasions I do get ill, I don't do

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1119348758985718472005-06-21T11:12:00.000+01:002006-11-14T08:43:54.605Z

Now, I'm no big fan of Thomas Cruise Mapother IV.Personally, I think he's prone to being a bit of a pocket-poser who's managed to garner more interest and accolades than his acting abilities would otherwise demand.Maybe this is just the roles he plays, but he always comes across as the self-assured, overly confident slick with an answer for everything.However, in his later years, he's impressed

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1119010915687849882005-06-17T13:21:00.000+01:002006-11-14T08:43:54.515Z

YesterdayThere I am, laid on my front as my physiotherapist twangs my left Achilles tendon back into shape.Then she leans over to rub the kinks out of my right shoulder. Not before she pauses for moment:Physiotherapist: "You have a really big bruise on your right leg."She exclaims.Physiotherapist: "How did you do that? It looks painful."I twist my head around to look at the back of my calf. The

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1118580345880621322005-06-12T13:45:00.000+01:002006-11-14T08:43:54.431Z

The government has announced that Leeds is to be the focus of a pilot program for a new 'Pay-as-you-go' toll road scheme.While the reasons for introducing toll charges on roads seems to make sense:"The transport secretary said the charges, aimed at cutting congestion, would replace road tax and petrol duty.Alistair Darling said change was needed if the UK was to avoid the possibility of 'LA-style

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1118312587171815882005-06-09T11:23:00.000+01:002006-11-14T08:43:54.338Z

I was just thinking about certain people in my life and how unhappy and disillusioned they've become with everything in their lives.My ex-girlfriend being a good example. I would often say to her: "I wish I had your problems."I'd have done a straight swap and sorted her life out for her in half a day.Most of the problems in peoples' lives stem from not having the courage just to say 'no'.If you

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1118136287101833512005-06-07T10:24:00.000+01:002006-11-14T08:43:54.254Z

Not knowing anything about Sin City, other than its comic book background, and all the big cars, racy ladies and fast dialog, I really didn't know what to expect.But that's how I like it.Then I saw the trailer. The visual appeal took a hold like a frightened child, so I was curious.My nephew had a face like someone had taken his pet dogs best chew toy and left a half-smoked cigar, instead.I guess

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1118052240393648492005-06-06T11:04:00.000+01:002006-11-14T08:43:54.177Z

And if this should be the song lyric, then hopefully not loosing my hair.But if hereditary traits are anything to go by, I'll have a full head of hair for many years to come.So, who do I want to be like when I get older?I wouldn't mind being like Powers Boothe or Sean Connery.Of course, all of this is based upon the very idea of me ever growing up. And if my drinking, carousing, outrageous

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1118049828993717552005-06-06T10:23:00.000+01:002006-11-14T08:43:54.080Z

"The best way to predict the future is to invent it."~ Alan Kay, computer scientist

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1117751179588512322005-06-02T23:26:00.000+01:002006-11-14T08:43:53.993Z

Please be aware this isn't for the want of more enlightening content.On the contrary, one of our less reputable but no less entertaining number has took it upon herself to nominate me for some meme madness.So, without further ado...1. Total volume of music files on PCA little over 12 gigabytes of pure sonic bliss all wrapped up in the loving arms of iTunes on my G5.Which equates to 18 genres, 221

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1117554543540619762005-05-31T16:49:00.000+01:002006-11-14T08:43:53.906Z

There I am, working away. My mind divided in two. One side in auto-pilot, churning through copy for web pages. The other side drifting into some random recess, looking some feel-good memory...It's late some Saturday night and I get a text message. I read the message and smile: "Will you come out? Please! I want to see you."I'm not going to reply.I get a shower, I get dressed and get in my car and

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1117132719012409442005-05-26T19:38:00.000+01:002006-11-14T08:43:53.828Z

We're all selfish.Don't agree?Tough .. you are, whether you like it or not.Put simply, some living organism must die so that you might live.And no, vegetarianism doesn't buy you out of this argument.Just because a pan full of lentils or a cabbage, or sprouting green broccoli doesn't squeal or scream when slaughtered for the plate doesn't mean that death is somehow less inhumane.The very first

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1117057360498639002005-05-25T22:42:00.000+01:002006-11-14T08:43:53.746Z

... I consider the sudden and premature bought of joggers nipple I had earlier.Usually an entirely expected treat as I make my way into my village on the last leg of my run.Not this time.Only four miles into my run and there we are.Never mind, though. I stressed my right foot and was spared the delight of jogging through the neighbouring village clutching my chest like some A-cup amateur.Instead,

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1116969380579135152005-05-24T22:16:00.000+01:002006-11-14T08:43:53.667Z

So I thought I'd mix things up a little and put the question to you, the great unwashed who traipse through my 'blog like some invading army of blind diarrhetic elephants.What really .. really pisses you off?Discuss...

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1116879157893154982005-05-23T21:12:00.000+01:002006-11-14T08:43:53.582Z

Rejoice! For the month of May has been designated National Masturbation Month with May 28th being National Masturbation Day, no less.National Masturbation Month Reaches Climax On May 28SAN FRANCISCO (Wireless Flash) – May has been declared "National Masturbation Month" by the Good Vibrations sex toy company.But the annual event really reaches a climax on May 28, which is National Masturbation

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1116844449065345362005-05-23T11:34:00.000+01:002006-11-14T08:43:53.508Z

It's those little things that make your day.But to put things in their proper perspective, there aren't all that many big things that make your day. But if you get enough of the little things and spread them liberally over the course of say a week, it's probably just as good or arguably better than one big good thing.Some time ago, I got a call from someone asking me if I wanted to partake in a

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1116625774444214372005-05-20T22:49:00.000+01:002006-11-14T08:43:53.427Z

You can describe a shape, a colour, a sound or even a taste. But why is it you can't fully describe a smell?Having pondered this for a while, I'm sure there's a very real link between a scent and an emotion.Some emotions can be described very clearly; such as anger, empathy, sorrow et cetera. But then sometimes, you have a feeling or a sensation that just defies proper explanation.A certain smell

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1116494536296927872005-05-19T10:22:00.000+01:002006-11-14T08:43:53.350Z

When the word 'No' is either not fully understood or has since ceased being part of their broader vocabulary, the telephone call which purports to be a too-good-to-be-true offer is obviously too good to be true:"Ah, right. Now I understand the problem. You're after a very different Wayne Smallman all together. I'm the older version. Clearly you're after the one that was born yesterday. Goodbye!"

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1116237265943468712005-05-16T10:54:00.000+01:002006-11-14T08:43:53.271Z

As is usual with British television, most of the best films and documentaries and driven into the wee small hours by the soap operas and fly-on-the-wall docu-dramas, gardening programs, house make-over shows and Z-list celebrity challenges.So yesterday was no different, and because of the popularist scheduling, the premiere of The Fog of War was pushed back to ten at night.Rather than the regular

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1115918402252752492005-05-12T18:20:00.000+01:002006-11-14T08:43:53.179Z

To mark the tenth in this series of well-honed rants, I thought a special tirade was in order.The pill-popping generationWhat the hell is it with people, eh?They have a head ache, so a blind panic ensues while they rummage around in bags and bedside draws looking for a packet of pain killers.They have a stomach upset, so they pounce on the telephone and badger their doctors' receptionist into

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1115883038771508182005-05-12T08:30:00.000+01:002006-11-14T08:43:53.104Z

"The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated."~ Mahatma Ghandi

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1115798491164777432005-05-11T09:01:00.000+01:002006-11-14T08:43:53.026Z

I'm not the kind to feel guilt or to regret.While I am impulsive, in the fleeting milliseconds between thought & deed, I've already gone through all of the things that could go wrong.So while being impulsive, I'm not reckless or stupid.I can honestly say that from the many and various events of my life, I have only one regret, and this one regret only came to me years after the event took

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1115624362653903662005-05-09T08:39:00.000+01:002006-11-14T08:43:52.943Z

60 years on, and we again commemorate those who died.While this is a worthy affair, it’s also a somewhat painfully somber one. So I'm not sure why this should be the case.I think the Irish have things right when they have a Wake, which I feel is much more appropriate.I'd like to think that if I had died for my country all those years ago, people would remember my sacrifice with a laugh, a smile

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1115195379620241362005-05-04T09:29:00.000+01:002006-11-14T08:43:52.865Z

Fashion fascism.I loathe the expectations of people for conformity and that you should adopt some kind of consistent theme to your attire.When I was at school, I had to wear a uniform; shirt, tie, trousers, shoes.I hated this with a vengeance.Even as a teenager, I was very much aware that the 'adult logic' behind school uniforms was deeply, deeply flawed.Being the son of my mother, I spoke my

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1114720255959113332005-04-28T21:30:00.000+01:002006-11-14T08:43:52.790Z

A busy week of meetings, appointments, pending work, haircuts a week late, politicians, a physiotherapist, a flat car battery, break failure on my bicycle, being happy most of the time but missing that certain someone more than ever.So last night sort of brought everything to a head.I wore a shirt and a tie and felt ultra uncomfortable. So much was my unease with my attire that I think the

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1114512153555170082005-04-26T11:42:00.000+01:002006-11-14T08:43:52.712Z

I'm not sure how many of you are familiar with Zero7, a bunch of guys who churn out some of the most amazingly chilled tunes. But today I found a hidden lyrical gem in the song, Destiny from the album, Simple Things.This particular song is so mellow and reminiscent of summer time, once I've listened to the sultry tones of the female vocalist, I need a spoon to ladle me out of my chair.Anyway, the

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1114416678185350602005-04-25T09:11:00.000+01:002006-11-14T08:43:52.635Z

Or not, as was the case of Jessica Starmer, 26, from Wareham in Dorset, England. A pilot, who in the last year became pregnant.Jessica is claiming indirect sex discrimination against British Airways because they will not allow her to work 50% part-time.Instead, they have offered her only 75% part-time working hours.Jessica told a tribunal that British Airways "family-unfriendly working practices"

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1114071331390942872005-04-21T09:15:00.000+01:002006-11-14T08:43:52.544Z

"Every now and then go away, have a little relaxation, for when you come back to your work your judgment will be surer. Go some distance away because then the work appears smaller and more of it can be taken in at a glance and a lack of harmony and proportion is more readily seen."~ Leonardo Da Vinci

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1113998991135537572005-04-20T13:09:00.000+01:002006-11-14T08:43:52.471Z

As I emerge from the newly-hewn path at the foot of the woods, I catch a drift of that distinctive odour.Further on a ride until I come to the pond at the far corner of the wood. I round the old mine ventilation shaft and there they are, a man & woman huddling together lighting cigarettes, shielding themselves from the bracing cold wind.I cycle past and into a cloud of filthy smoke billowing

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1113859854176826152005-04-18T22:30:00.000+01:002006-11-14T08:43:52.385Z

The woman at my doorI peep through the curtains. Pulled to the side just enough to squint through and down onto the drive.A middle-aged woman quickly sweeps her well-kempt blonde hair back and rolls her shoulders. Just enough to straighten the top of her blouse and coat.I sigh as the realization of her purpose resonates through me.She's a door-to-door religious saleswoman selling her faithful

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1113587958464056522005-04-15T18:59:00.000+01:002006-11-14T08:43:52.313Z

You guys up for a little British history lesson?Ready for some truly mind-blowing figures?Good, then read on...Some time in the nineteen sixties, a review of the coal industry found that Britain sat on top of over three hundred years worth of coal reserves.In nineteen seventy-four, the National Union of Mineworkers went on strike and brought down the then Conservative government and ousted the

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1113472161966339692005-04-14T10:49:00.000+01:002006-11-14T08:43:52.234Z

Me: "Hi! I'd like book an appointment to see the doctor."Receptionist: "When would you like one for? You see, we're all booked up today. You're best bet is getting an appointment either tomorrow or next week."Me: "That's what I had in mind. Either tomorrow or Monday, please."Receptionist: "Well, we have one ten thirty this morning."Eh? She's just told me there aren't free appointment bookings

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1113339939451032362005-04-12T22:05:00.000+01:002006-11-14T08:43:52.158Z

With summer closing in on us and the sun making a decent fist of things right now, I'm feeling in an unusual, conspicuously good mood.So I decided to hunt down my collection of summer photographs from last year and share them with the world yet again.The following photographs are from around where I live.For all those stricken with Seasonally Affective Disorder, consider this therapy.My invoice

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1113252896489816212005-04-11T21:54:00.000+01:002006-11-14T08:43:52.071Z

The unconditional love you get from a dog.No matter how your day has been. No matter what has happened, your dog will love you...

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1113175010487702912005-04-11T00:16:00.000+01:002006-11-14T08:43:51.987Z

Malt vinegar, salad cream, marzipan, any sweet sauces for savory dishes and any / all sweet & sour dishes.And no, I'm not a faddy eater .. I love my food. But non of the above qualify as being edible.They all share one quality; being about as pleasant as licking dog piss off a nettle leaf.All of the above are just deeply, deeply wrong and should be made illegal without exception...

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1112890877859548642005-04-07T17:21:00.000+01:002006-11-14T08:43:51.900Z

For some, having to tell someone where they come from can be a little embarrassing.In some cases, more than a little embarrassing.A fellow 'blogger and all-round media-friendly lass touched upon an interesting thought or two which prompted me to Google up some light-hearted amusement.Consider the poor, unfortunate souls who hail from the likes of Felch, Michigan, America or Cunt, Elazig,

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1112858145463658232005-04-07T08:15:00.000+01:002006-11-14T08:43:51.802Z

Or so the song goes...I love my music, and I use iTunes to store and play my music.Casting my mind back to the few times I've worked as part of a team in an office environment, music was always a contentious area, and in one case, the boss of one company who I used to do contract work for actually banned the radio.To me, this made perfect sense."Ban the radio? But why?!", I hear you cry.Because

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1112775951991072252005-04-06T09:25:00.000+01:002006-11-14T08:43:51.721Z

My time of late has been somewhat compressed.What with me extending my normal jog by about a mile yesterday, I was starting to fall asleep by seven in the evening.Normal service due to resume shortly...

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1112688759849940372005-04-05T09:12:00.000+01:002006-11-14T08:43:51.645Z

In keeping with current events, and as a foil to much of the faux religious fervor sweeping with world right now...The Riddle of Epicurus Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent.Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent.Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil?Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1112435485886586492005-04-02T10:51:00.000+01:002006-11-14T08:43:51.570Z

Or so the song goes...One of the lads had his birthday bash last night.Went in various fancy dress.I looked like a complete moron in 60’s garb, but made the damn thing look good .. if I may say so myself!Anyway, photographic evidence soon to follow, I’m sure.One of the lads went as William Wallace / Braveheart, complete with one side of his face painted dark blue, one as St. George and one other

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1112295548847615852005-03-31T19:59:00.000+01:002006-11-14T08:43:51.417Z

This past few days have been a trial for me.I haven't managed to do much. Most of my time has been spent micromanaging to the nth degree.Which means I don't get my stuff done for doing other peoples' stuff .. which is annoying.In the past month, I’ve managed to add yet another high-profile scalp to my collection.The victory was sweet, but at the expense of over fifteen-hundred pounds worth of

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1112215678775386902005-03-30T21:47:00.000+01:002006-11-14T08:43:51.340Z

People who go abroad on holiday and complain about the food.They know where they're going, so why go there if they have a feeling they're not going to like the food?Questions abound, as do concerns, not least the fact that most of these people are just miserable bastards who aren't happy unless they're eating processed shit from a tin or a bag that they hoist in & out of the microwave...

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1112172178841383592005-03-30T09:42:00.000+01:002006-11-14T08:43:51.257Z

If you build, they will come. And a sound idea it is, too!So I build my 'blog. I make my 'blog my own.I work hard to be topical and I remain objective when required and get all uperty when the mood takes me.And if at all possible, entertaining. But that's for you guys to decide, not me.I nurture my 'blog and make [most of] my regulars feel at ease and welcome.I also value their / your opinions,

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1112108198534155442005-03-29T15:56:00.000+01:002006-11-14T08:43:36.002Z

MEMO FROM THE NATIONAL AFFAIRS DESK DATE: MAY 1, 1994 FROM: DR. HUNTER S. THOMPSON SUBJECT: THE DEATH OF RICHARD NIXON: NOTES ON THE PASSING OF AN AMERICAN MONSTER.... HE WAS A LIAR AND A QUITTER, AND HE SHOULD HAVE BEEN BURIED AT SEA.... BUT HE WAS, AFTER ALL, THE PRESIDENT."And he cried mightily with a strong voice, saying, Babylon the great is fallen, is fallen, and is become the habitation of

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1112085743489508702005-03-29T09:42:00.000+01:002006-11-14T08:43:35.928Z

Note to self: in future, moderate drinking and don't mix them up .. stick to the same damn drinks...

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1112004494504451092005-03-28T11:08:00.000+01:002006-11-14T08:43:35.713Z

Gaia HypothesisThis will serve as an introduction to the Gaia hypothesis;It is a review (published in 1989) of James Lovelock's The Ages of GaiaWhat is the hypothesis of Gaia? Stated simply, the idea is that we may have discovered a living being bigger, more ancient, and more complex than anything from our wildest dreams. That being, called Gaia, is the Earth.More precisely: that about one

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1111920522781243562005-03-27T11:48:00.000+01:002006-11-14T08:43:35.647Z

The idea of a United Kingdom is gone.I say let all of the other nations do their own thing.I'm English, not British.I'm from England, not the United Kingdom (which on one occasion resulted in a standing argument with an American customs & immigration official when arriving at Los Angeles LAX .. but that's another story)So the thing that pisses me off is some of the athletics commentary you get

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1111749691396986152005-03-25T11:21:00.000Z2006-11-14T08:43:35.573Z

I recently had cause to recall a strange incident from my youth:Having spent a night out on the razzle once, I trundled home, colapsed into my annoyingly creaky bed and .. well, passed out.Some time later [not sure when] I felt something on my face. This woke me up.I raised a shaking hand to my head in a sad attempt to wipe my face.The resultant blow from my poorly coordinated swipe nearly burst

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1111746599302989002005-03-25T10:29:00.000Z2006-11-14T08:43:35.502Z

Which means .. no work!Which, when, err .. reality is factored in, this just means no phone calls from clients, but I've still got work to do...

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1111673956262210802005-03-24T14:19:00.000Z2006-11-14T08:43:35.413Z

A bank worker is facing the sack for scribbling an insulting while non too unamusing note on an application form made by a gay couple.Ronnie Hillman, 20 and his boyfriend Rob Wade, 19 saw the note, which read: "Ronnie is a very, very nice boy. Watch your back." when they went into their local NatWest to open a joint account.The couple rightly demanded to see the manager of the branch in Leyland,

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com39tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1111591684282210532005-03-23T15:28:00.000Z2006-11-14T08:43:35.341Z

Got an e-mail yesterday that I just skimmed through, picked up on what I thought were the salient points and then dismissed the thing with the usual brusque contempt.But then I got a call from the shy and awkward, but non-the-less sweet-sounding Heather.She explained to me that what I thought was a gimmick is in actual fact, the real deal.The "The South Yorkshire International Trade Centre, a

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1111570486199286052005-03-23T09:34:00.000Z2006-11-14T08:43:35.266Z

What the hell is wrong with you people, eh?What with the resident DJ, Tim nice but drug-addled and Raida + belly-bump all coming down with the lurgee, it looks like we've got a pandemic on our hands, here...

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1111512753452046912005-03-22T17:32:00.000Z2006-11-14T08:43:35.191Z

"Why of course the people don't want war ... But after all it is the leaders of the country who determine the policy, and it is always a simple matter to drag the people along, whether it is a democracy, or a fascist dictatorship, or a parliament, or a communist dictatorship ... Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1111494061996443572005-03-22T12:21:00.000Z2006-11-14T08:43:35.118Z

I've started a new 'blog: Blah, Blah! Technology.Why? Because technology is my thing, that's why.I'd hoped that this 'blog would have allowed for a odd excursion or two, but as broad as this 'blog is, it's not that broad...

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1111480852441339482005-03-22T08:40:00.000Z2006-11-14T08:43:35.044Z

I don't often fawn over any woman, but...Just how utterly beyond beautiful is Rachel Weisz?Looks, success, intelligence and a real personalty.All far to much for a simple white boy like myself...

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1111406626774040562005-03-21T12:03:00.000Z2006-11-14T08:43:34.897Z

While not a fully qualified: 'Things that really .. really piss me off', this is close.What is it with those stoopid coloured wrist bands?Apparently, they're meant to be this pro-active thing were you're either up on gay rights, down on red meat, against bullying, happy to eat kosher / halal food, have been let out from the local mental hospital on day release or some other tiresome

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1111190642582104542005-03-19T00:04:00.000Z2006-11-14T08:43:34.822Z

Ok, I'm going to break rule #1: don't drink and 'blog.In between bouts of drink, watching the Simpsons and the James Bond movie, Goldeneye, I managed to catch the news.I heard the story of Terri Schiavo, a very attractive woman cut down in her prime by a sudden and unexpected condition that's left her permanently and irreversibly brain damaged.So...We have the various religious groups wading in,

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com21tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1111096476333377382005-03-17T21:54:00.000Z2006-11-14T08:43:34.745Z

By way of a follow-up to an earlier article on the amazing Jane Tomlinson, I'd just like to mention that's she's recently completed the Iron Man competition:The 17-hour challenge involves swimming two miles, completing a 112-mile bike ride and running a full marathon.The 40-year-old mother-of-three, from Rothwell, Leeds, took on the challenge despite a stay in hospital last week.Mrs Tomlinson

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1110983517287926232005-03-16T14:31:00.000Z2006-11-14T08:43:34.666Z

Well, it's that time again!I know I've covered the topic before, but political correctness is just filth.What few and fleeting little reasons there might have once been for its otherwise meaningless existence have all but evaporated into the ether.Political correctness is a menace.Be afraid. Be very afraid...

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com21tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1110789880286096522005-03-14T08:44:00.000Z2006-11-14T08:43:34.594Z

Recently, the venerable if not oafishly irritating Jamie Oliver (by the way: watch the video clip, it’s quite amusing) has set out to revitalize school dinners by applying his curiously and nauseously boundless enthusiasm to the problem.Personally, I think the guy has bitten off more than he can chew (sorry!) and if he's any hope of affecting real change, this recent undertaking will either be

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1110454134523197242005-03-10T11:28:00.000Z2006-11-14T08:43:34.523Z

So there I am, driving through to my accountants and I'm licking the hole where my tooth used to be.The pain I can deal with, it's the incompleteness of it all that bothers me more than anything else.On the side of the road, a middle-aged guy ambles along with his right hand tucked deep into his cardigan pocket.As I drew closer, I realized that it was only his sleeve that was tucked into the

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9986189.post-1110395004903183362005-03-09T19:03:00.000Z2006-11-14T08:43:34.454Z

I found the game Twinoo on another 'blog.This may well be the work of the devil...

Wayne Smallmannoreply@blogger.com0