Monday, February 13, 2006

With gay abandon I doth my cap to thee!

Today it emerged that the BBC are planning to bring the cost-cutting axe down on a local community radio station in Manchester.

As of April 2006, Gay Talk will be no more than a whisper.

However, to be perfectly honest, I couldn't care less about the story, it's the name of the local Minister of Parliament who's putting his very honorable and no-doubt considerable political weight behind the cause to keep the radio station going:

"I fully support what Nathan [the station DJ] is trying to do [with reference to the petition being signed by those affected by the planned closure]..."

Said none other than councillor Marc Ramsbottom, Liberal Democrat.

Marc Ramsbottom!

As names go, that's always going to get a schoolboy-esque chortle, but c'mon!

You can't make this shit up, can you?

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Drivin' the message home...

Do as I say, not as I do.

Should that be the new maxim of the British police?


After all, seems to work for Police Constable Mark Milton. He got caught doing ton-fifty in an unmarked police car on a motorway at night .. and got away with it.

Why? Well, this is the killer, 'coz his excuse is as laughable as the judge that let him off with his frankly insulting euphemistic defense:

"District Judge Bruce Morgan earlier cleared him after hearing he was 'familiarising' himself with a new car."

Really? What, like moving the seat back, altering the lumber support and tilting the rear-view mirror?

But it seems someone wasn't asleep at the wheel:

"On Wednesday, two High Court judges sent the case back to Ludlow Magistrates' Court to be heard again.

The judges ruled the district judge erred in law when acquitting the West Mercia officer of dangerous driving last May, after describing him as the 'creme de la creme' of police drivers."

Not sure about 'creme de la creme'. More like pile ointment, such was his bloody-minded and odious flouting of the law that he's supposed to uphold.

So the message is: if you're a road traffic copper, you're entitled to drive up & down as fast as you like, 'coz you know what you're doing and you're not as likely to kill someone while doing so.

Which brings me to a public safety slogan we've been having rammed down our throats for a few years: kill your speed, not a child.

Now, not wanting to be the one to egg people towards doin' a Milton by recklessly tear-arsin' up & down at one-hundred miles-per-hour plus, but I'd like to point out the absolute obvious: speed never killed anyone.

Piss-poor driving kills people. Speed is merely a by-product of the general idiocy of the average driver.

Think I'm wrong? Then go ask District Judge Bruce Morgan, because it seems we're thinking the same thing.

But surely I'm contradicting myself, here?

Not quite.

There's a difference between driving safely and at speed, and driving way too fast at the dead of night.

So the next time a policemen caves your head in with his truncheon, don't worry! He's just familiarising himself with his equipment.

Sleep safely...

Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Things that really .. really make my day: part VIII

The new woman in my life sitting patiently while I fill my face at Frankie & Benny's last night...

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Bad guy makes good

There's much speculation as to who will play the bad guy to Daniel Craigs' soon-to-be James Bond.

I think I should be the next bad guy.

I'm roundly considered to be a bit of a bastard and I'd like to think that I've got an eye for world domination...

Sunday, November 06, 2005

Things that really .. really make my day: part VII

In keeping with my previous 'blog posting, I thought I'd keep y'all smilin' a little longer.

Here are some of the most original, exceptionally funny short animations I've seen in .. well, I've ever seen.

Take some time visit Ubergeek and Angry Alien Productions for some rib-ticking mirth and merriment.

And remember, it's as well that these guys make you laugh 'coz you'll never get to heaven with a smile on your face from the likes of me...

Thursday, November 03, 2005

Things that really .. really make my day: part VI

This is actually old stuff, but I just found them by accident while looking for something else .. which, incidentally, I still haven't found!

Actual Headlines

1. Include Your Children when Baking Cookies

2. Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

3. Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

4. Drunks Get Nine Months in Violin Case

5. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms

6. Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?

7. Prostitutes Appeal to Pope

8. Panda Mating Fails, Veterinarian Takes Over

9. British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands

10. Teacher Strikes Idle Kids

11. Clinton Wins Budget, More Lies Ahead

12. Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told

13. Miners Refuse to Work after Death

14. Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

15. Stolen Painting Found by Tree

16. Two Sisters Reunited After 18 Years in Checkout Counter

17. War Dims Hope for Peace

18. If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While

19. Cold Wave Linked to Temperature

20. Enfields Couple Slain, Police suspect Homicide

21. Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges

22. Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery, Hundreds Dead

23. Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge

24. New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

25. Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft

26. Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

27. Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy

28. Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

29. New Vaccine May Contain Rabies

30. Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Moving forward in reverse...

For those of you that are familiar with this 'blog, you will then know of my loathing for religion. All religion.

But recent events have turned this loathing into a growing fear of what is gradually emerging from the very thick buckle of the Bible Belt of North America that seems to be somewhat at odds with the rise of a similar blind, many-armed monster rising out of the East.

"Cory Burnell [or Charleston, South Carolina] wants to set up a Christian nation within the United States where abortion is illegal, gay marriage is banned, schools cannot teach evolution, children can pray to Jesus in public schools and the Ten Commandments are posted publicly."

I'm not entirely clued up on American law, but what I do know is, the United States of America chose British case law as the basis of its own. Also, like Britain, America has a very clear division between church and state, and with good reason, too.

To that end, Burnell, 29, left the Republican Party, moved from California and founded Christian Exodus two years ago with the goal of redirecting the United States by "redeeming" one state at a time."

A redirection is somewhat of an understatement. But then again, the current president of the United States of America seems to be complicit with such intent and would hardly stand in the way:

"The push comes at a time when Christian fundamentalism is a growing force in U.S. politics, displays of the Ten Commandments in government buildings are spurring litigation and President George W. Bush is touting the evangelical Christian credentials of Supreme Court nominee Harriet Miers."

More worryingly:

"The organization's Web site says if it does not meet its goal of change, it will work to secede from the United States.

South Carolina was the first state to secede from the union in 1860, and the first shots of the U.S. Civil War were fired from Charleston's Battery onto Fort Sumter."

But things get worse:

"A British-based professor of sociology has testified in a US federal court that intelligent design (ID) is a scientific concept, not a religious one."

For those of you not familiar with so-called Intelligent Design, it is merely a re-branding of the old and tired and thoroughly exhausted Creationist movement.

A change of name is simply one more pathetic tactic in their never-ending denialist vendetta against the scientific community.

"Professor Fuller was called as a witness by the Dover Area School Board in Pennsylvania to help defend its decision to allow intelligent design to be taught in science classes, The Guardian reports.

Subsequently, a group of parents began legal proceedings against the school board, demanding that ID be removed from the science curriculum. They argue that it violates the constitutional separation of church and state, and is merely creationism in disguise."

Which is entirely correct.

Any connection between church and state must be a tenuous one.

"However, Professor Fuller holds that because scientists have inferred the existence of a designer from observations of biological phenomena, it should count as scientific.

"It seems to me in many respects the cards are stacked against radical, innovative views getting a fair hearing in science these days," he said."

My loathing for such talk-speak enrages me to the point of exhaustion.

There is nothing .. nothing even remotely 'radical' or 'innovative' about Intelligent Design:

"But the idea that an intelligent designer might be responsible for complex forms of life is hardly new or even radical. It was first put forward in 1802 by William Paley in his book Natural Theology."

Put simply, Intelligent Design is not an avenue for scientific enquiry. It is instead a means of closing down the very pursuit of knowledge, especially the pursuit of the kind of knowledge that undermines the values that these utterly blind and feckless morons believe in.

Put even more simply, the proponents of Intelligent Design would prefer that we take the word of their god and their teachings as holding to be true and cease and desist all further pursuit of knowledge.

Religion is a cancer. Over the years, we have developed ways of dealing with this cancer, and in time, we have managed to strip away those unhealthy cells and bring life to the dead flesh they occupied.

In time, we will remove them from the very body of society and we will be clean once more.

However, those remnants that now persist are only too aware of their impending demise and like all aggressive agents, their actions become ever more destructive.

In their shallow minds, this world seen through their coloured and blurred eyes would be better left as a baron husk, bereft of life than exist in any way, shape of form bereft of religion.

If there was ever a case for the existence of evil; of which I have yet to have such a thing presented to me, these people are the embodiment of evil, since it is in their minds that such things have a foundation in reality.

"For there is nothing either good or bad, thinking makes it so."
~ William Shakespeare 1564-1616, Hamlet, II.ii

Merely thinking such things makes them true...