Money for nuthin'

Some people just have more cheek than a barrel full of arse holes. I kid you not.

Recently, I paid a visit to a solicitor to discuss some debt collection. A former client skipped off owing me nearly £3,000

So, I meet with the solicitor on the recommendation of my local Chamber of Commerce. As with nearly all debt collection agencies these days, they operate on a no win, no fee basis.

I like to play stupid with certain people. When I get that prickly feeling, I like to let them feel in control and give them just enough room to bullshit me and then just enough rope to hang themselves with.

With this in mind, I posed a very simple question: "So, how much will this cost?"

The guy shifted in his seat furtively, he crossed his legs and was desperately trying to keep his hands firmly clasped on his lap. Don't like that.

£200 pounds, apparently. That covers court fees.

Doesn’t sound all that no-fee to me! Where did that bit go to? Looks like I'm going to be throwing good money after bad.

I smiled politely and said that I'd get back to them if I wanted to take matters further.

As with all solicitors, your first consultation -- which will typically last about half an hour -- is free.

Anyway, over the following weeks, I kept getting the odd nagging letter from them about taking matters further and whether I was wanting to chase up the money. I duly ignored all of their correspondence .. until about two weeks ago.

This particular letter had their name stamped on it, but my name and address was hand-written, and the letter just .. felt different.

So I opened it. It was invoice.

For what? I wondered.

Apparently, I owed them £25.85

The red mist descended like a thundercloud and I was in high gear on the dark side of the moon.

I asked what the invoice was for, specifically. There was no clear indication of what service they'd rendered, which was a concern.

So I called them.

It seems they had performed a look up of me and my company.

I politely but forcefully informed them that I would pay not one penny for such a thing and that I would be taking matters further.

I made it clear that at no point did I once give the green light to the debt collection and that I felt that their actions were both duplicitous and fraudulent.

Further more, I would be speaking with their ombudsmen and that I would be lodging a complaint with the Chamber of Commerce.

Suffice to say, my reaction was a little more organized than they'd expected and this morning I got a rambling letter that only on the very last two-line paragraph on the second page of a two page letter do they indirectly inform me that they have decided to wave the fee.

How kind of them. Don't you think?