All about me

I'm not a diarist, so you're not going to get any deeply dull insights into my otherwise curiously prosaic life, often punctuated by moments of violent social diversions of the female / verbal / satirical / odd kind.

So, this is about all you're ever going to get to know about me...

Male, six foot seven, hazel eyes, brown hair and am presently a shade under seventeen stone.

I jog six miles one day and cycle seven the next.

Love food, hate marzipan .. it's the devils toe jam.

Son of a miner and a seamstress.

Have been described as a typical Aquarian. Often said with scathing sideways glances by various ex girlfriends.

Don't smoke. Never tried.

Don't do drugs. Never tried.

Drink sociably. Occasionally to excess.

I have a phobia of medical needles and syringes.

No, not the half-arsed fear of spiders sort of phobia. I mean the kind where it takes two shocked male doctors, three hysterical female nurses, a bed end, my mother and the sad but unavoidable loss of a chair to get a thimble-full of blood out my right arm.

I don't really get ill. I've never had any of the childhood illnesses and while being involved in four separate food poisoning outbreaks, all I had was bad wind.

I have a strange affinity with almost all animals and children under the age of five which most people find mystifying.

I'm harassable, while honourable.

I'm obtuse and stubborn, while reliable and aloof.

I can be conceited, but only when I'm right.

I hate soap operas, and I find reality television to be lamentable.

I'm an avid watcher of both films and people. Both eminently entertaining and rewarding.

My musical tastes can only be best described as eclectic. I utterly loathe Reggae, but that doesn't count as music, anyway.

I find racism, sexism and vegetarianism to be equally unfathomable.

I'm extremely manipulative, but not that you'd know.

I search out new ways of thinking, continually looking for ways of breaking the theories I devise.

I was never christened and I was born out of wedlock. And no, my parents weren't hippies, they were just too busy doing other stuff. Plus, the thinking was that I should have the choice when it comes to which faith I would lay down with.

I'm often described as being a: 'complete bastard.'

But I like to think I make being a bastard look good...