In no particular order

My head is awash with a million good memories, my body is in need a serious detoxification regimen and what parts of my body aren’t burnt are covered in anonymous cuts, grazes and bruises .. all of which are quite unordered. But that’s not too bad a thing, really.

Please note: this IS NOT a list of 'conquests'. These are the woman that I was fortunate enough to get to know while on holiday.

Big Emma who quite liked the idea of a guy who was taller than she was.

Little Emma who gave me a serious lift and helped renew my faith in woman.

Very cute and petite Emma from Halifax who was working as a waitress for way less than the minimum wage. I just wanted to give her a big hug. No, you haven't put on weight, it's the water. And please, please, please get a better paying job.

Amanda who had to carry her friends dignity when they didn't really want to. Well done!

Alison the blonde who I tried to intimidate at every opportunity .. and failed. Which was the plan anyway. She looked the type.

Harriet who while being quite sober gave a good impression of not being so. Very funny but also very bad impersonation of Borat Sagdiyev.

All the girls from Newcastle. And no, I didn't really fart on your friends seat to keep it warm for her, but I think they knew anyway. Made them all laugh, though.

Jodie is the definitive Latino type. Saying that she is extremely attractive doesn't quite come close.

Bev', friend of Jodie who thought I looked like George Michael. Now, I can deal with being told that I look like Daniel Bedingfield, I've had that often enough .. but George Michael?!

Lynn who had a worse second name than me and who managed to out-weird Steve by kicking him in his eye, and who made me laugh so much I got a head ache.

Charlie the girl next door with the ultra-husky, sexy voice.

Hannah, the sister of the girl next door who seemed too shy for her own good looks. Much like her sister, she was very, very fine.

Lynette, shy but fun blonde who was happy to sit and watch little Emma and Lynn have all of the fun.

To the Russian girl who for some reason didn't fall for my "Eh! My nay-eem is Vladimir an' I em frohm Rah-sha!" one-two. The words Burn and Crash immediately spring to mind. But what a way to go.

To all the woman who never got my age right and thought I was younger than I actually am. What can I say? Yeah!