Random excerpts & interludes, part IV

The making of an überfiend

As we step out of the shop and make our way across the road and back towards college, I grab him by his arm, turn him to once side and place my hand in his right coat pocket.

"What ye doin'?"

I remove my hand and hold up a packet of Polos in front of me so that he could see and then quickly place them in my own pocket.

"Wha .. you just took them from my..."

Not quite sure what to say, he simply stands there in the middle of the road, barely able to chew on the rest of his pork pie.

I walk on, taking a drink from the milk carton in my hand.

He blinks, then races to catch up with me and trots along side.

"You stole those Polos, didn't you?"

He whispers. Not as if being overheard would really make any difference.

"No."

I curtly reply.

"You did."

He waves his arms about his head as he silently shrieks.

"Why didn't ye put 'em in your own pocket, ye thievin' bastard?!"

I stop and turn to him with a look of mild disdain and incredulity growing on my face.

"Now what the hell would I want to go and do that for?"

I enquire rhetorically.

"Oh! So it's alright for me to get caught, then?"

He hisses with anger, he too enquiring rhetorically, with no small portion of sarcasm as he then nibbles on his pork pie.

"Exactly."

I reply as I place my arm around his shoulder as we both then begin the ascent up the steep drive into the college campus.

"You see, I wanted those Polos. But I didn't have enough money for them. You didn't have enough money for them, so it seemed easier to just .. taken them. Now, I didn't want to get caught, but I wouldn't be all that bothered if you did. Besides, I could have made out that you're absent-minded and all that, make the shop assistant laugh, you would have given the mints back and all would have been well & good. No harm done."

My friend laughs as he shakes his head in resigned dismay.

"Wayne, you're a bastard. Do you know that?"